I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize