you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
