i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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