you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
