Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
