Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
