I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize