Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize