It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize