some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
