I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
