Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
