he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
