Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
