He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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