What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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