i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont even know how to be here
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
