FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
