Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize