What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
