the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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