The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
