Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
