Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
