I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
