I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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