my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
