I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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