He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
