i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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