why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
