Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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