After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
