oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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