I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Watching her eat just hurts me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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