i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
