I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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