who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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