He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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