We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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