And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize