apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
