Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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