Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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