I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
