He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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