I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize