Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
