Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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