My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
