If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
