why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
