So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
