Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize