All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize