I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
