Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
