So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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