i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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