You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
