bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
