she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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