so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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