it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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