Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
