We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
