This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
