Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
