genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
