he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
