One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
