yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
