i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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