Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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