Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
