i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
