Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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