Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
