if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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