So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize