Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
