Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
