Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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