shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
